I can’t predict football scores, but as someone who moved his entire life from England to Slovenia (and wrote a book about it, see: Dormice & Moonshine: Falling for Slovenia), I can give you the scorelines for the most important aspects of life in these two great nations.

Whilst Slovenia has significantly better weather (hotter, drier summers and colder, snowier winters), the two countries are neck and neck when it comes to complaining about the weather.

Slovenia can’t compete with England’s vast coastline and beach numbers, but it certainly thwarts it on overall natural beauty with its incredible diversity of stunning landscapes.

When it comes to languages, Slovenia outguns England by a long way; most Slovenes have a very high level of English, compared to the tiny number of English people who can speak fluent Slovene (or any other second language for that matter).

But England’s real strengths lie in its ability to get sunburned, an area that Slovenia has never performed well in. Another sector Slovenia has historically performed poorly in, is its ability to indicate whilst driving. Certainly, Slovenia will need to up its level of indicating by at least 100% if they are to match the English.

Yet when it comes to the existence of the Dual Plural – England is completely outgunned. And Slovenia’s excellent ability to cook up schnapps from almost any fruit also dwarfs England’s heavily muted moonshine-making performance.

Slovenia is also very strong in slipper-love. Whilst England does have some experience here, Slovenia is simply world-class, with Japan being its only real competition at global level.

England fights back with strength in baked bean love; something Slovenes generally don’t have much aptitude for. But the Slovenes have the ultimate dominance in the ‘confusion with Slovakia’ category, an area England will simply never be able to compete in.

Any more for any more? Add a comment below.

Want to read more about the incredible country of Slovenia? Dormice & Moonshine: Falling for Slovenia is out now.